I had a very vivid dream the other night. I don’t know if it was revelation, but it comforted me a great deal.
In my dream, everything was normal. I was myself, just as I am, not as a child who forgot to wear pants to school or back in high school forgetting my locker combination, and I was lying in bed, wide awake, something that happens to me all too often. Scott was in bed next to me, snoring a bit, as usual. No movie stars or repentent ex-boyfriends in this dream. I went to push him onto his side to stop the snoring as I usually do (I always worry since I’ve read snoring is associated with heart attacks), but suddenly I thought, no, let him rest how he likes.
I got out of bed and quietly crept into the kitchen, where my mom’s wedding cake rested in pieces in the freezer, just as I had really left it before going to bed. I considered working on it. Wouldn’t it be great to get it done early? Mom would be so surprised and impressed by my hard work. If I had really been awake, and not dreaming, I probably would have, so that at least my sleepnessness could be put to good use. But I was dreaming, so I didn’t. As I’ve said, everything was normal, and yet all of these everyday actions seemed imbued with meaning and purpose. I decided making a cake was a good enough task by itself, no need to try to impress anyone. So instead of busying myself in righteous service, I sat down on the sofa, put my feet up, and looked around. I know everyone is tired of hearing about my neighbor’s undeliverable mail, but it was my dream, so bear with me. The package sat on the side table where I’d left it after my last frustrating attempt to return it (I actually went to the dealership where he worked, but as it turns out, he hadn’t been to work in a week and appears to have left town). I picked it up, but instead of shaking it or smelling it, I just held it in my lap. The thought came to me, clearly and gently:
-Open it.
-But it’s not mine, I thought back.
-If you don’t, who will? Open it.
-But I could get in trouble. I’m not sure I dare.
Then I thought:
-Everyone that asketh receiveth, and she that seeketh, findeth. It’s my gift. It’s been given to me now, for whatever reason.
I opened the package, and this is where the dream really departed from reality. In the box was the very thing I’ve been praying for, for years now. I would rather not say what it was, since it concerns personal things involving sensitive situations for me and Scott. But I will say that the beauty of what was inside was breathtaking for me.
I woke from the dream crying.
Scott was still asleep, but I didn’t wake him up. I felt like praying, so I did, and I felt a powerful reassurance that my concerns were known and that my problems and needs mattered. Then I did something I never thought I would do while conscious. I went into the living room, turned on the light, and opened the package. There were no answers to the big questions I face. In fact, its contents were comfortingly mundane. And delicious.